10/3/17: SMALL, VERY SMALL SHOP OPENING AT THE ICA IN LONDON. GRAB IT WHILE YOU CAN HERE. EVERYTHING ON THIS SITE IS NOT FOR SALE AND IS PART OF AN ARCHIVE. INTERESTED IN THE ARCHIVE, THE WHOLE THING? WRITE US AT INFO@KIOSKKIOSK.COM. THANKS. 

Ice Skates

Ice Skates

16" x 2.5" x 2"
Steel, Wood & Leather
THE NETHERLANDS

Strap these skates onto your boots and sail away. Does not come with instructions as there is only one way to use them, so let me give you some tips here: wear a decent, low boot. If you have never been skating before, wear knee pads. Experience or none, wear mittens - your hour on the ice can be killed if your hands are red, wet, and cold. Shorts are not acceptable. A scarf makes you look dashing. Bring a thermos with a warm drink inside, and have whomever knows how to skate carry it. If the thermos has booze inside, follow these instructions: skate 10 minutes, have a drink, skate 8 minutes, have a drink, then sit down and contemplate the other skaters or the sky. Skate 5 minutes, have a drink, talk about life's triumphs - like how you are learning to ice skate. Massage ankles lightly and commiserate over how your ankles hurt. Warm hands, have a drink. If you can't skate back to where you started, take your skates off, and start walking home on the ice. Have a drink, and look at the horizon, or the clouds, or the birds, flying high. Have a drink. Crawl back home. I learned this skating technique in Sweden. It's going to be a long, cold winter, they say.